I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
