I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
