Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
