I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
