You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
