She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize