Define "chronic" masturbator.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
