I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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