Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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