I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's never too late to be topless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
