I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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