turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
bring money and cleavage
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize