The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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