So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just high enough for therapy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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