i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i now understand why vodka
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pants are for mortals
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
