found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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