the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
