my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
