Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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