Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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