smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
