we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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