..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
