Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
