i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
