It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
this hospital has no fireball
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
