haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
