Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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