Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
