problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
