new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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