my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
