She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
