I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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