I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
