Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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