Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize