what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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