Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
