I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize