this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So much rum. So many feels.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
