2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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