Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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