I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
