oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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