porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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