rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
