I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize