i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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