You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
