I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
