I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
