so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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