a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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