And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
