it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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