Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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