If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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