Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
