you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
