Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
