I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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