Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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