whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My ass is underappreciated
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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