____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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