I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
