i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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