If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He did a backflip because drugs
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