I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
